


DILF Danger

by MtBlackBear (Meicdon13)



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Gen, Humor, Team Hot Dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meicdon13/pseuds/MtBlackBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Go big (daddy), or go extinct.</p>
            </blockquote>





	DILF Danger

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, self-indulgent AU where no one died, Stacker and Herc piloted _Striker_ instead of Stacker and Chuck, and no one’s slowly dying because of radiation poisoning. Also, it says in the artbook that Newt’s an anime fan, so I’m betting he knows what DILF means. Chuck and Mako are the youngest, so in my headcanon, they know too.

Just a couple of months after they destroyed the rift, there was a Kaiju alert. Nobody knew where the Kaiju came from, just that it suddenly popped up somewhere off of the Hong Kong coast. It hadn’t attacked anything yet—it was just swimming around the coastlines, tracing the same route back and forth—but nobody wanted to wait for it to make its move.  
  
Of all the people involved in the operations at the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Newt was probably the happiest at the news. He’d always regretted the fact that he never got a decent Kaiju brain specimen, and the Kaiju that had tripped their alarms was just a measly Category 1. They could bring any of the decommissioned Jeagers back easy-peasy and take care of it.  
  
He expected that Raleigh and Mako would be sent out to deal with it; they were, after all, the major heroes in the destruction of the rift. So he ended up spitting out his coffee at the announcement that Pentecost made during the briefing. “You and  _Herc Hansen_?”  
  
Pentecost looked resigned as he nodded. Herc merely shrugged. “As you know, someone leaked partial information about the final fight to the press, including the pilot teams involved. Nobody made a big deal of it because nothing really important got out.”  
  
“And?” Newt pressed.  
  
Pentecost sighed. “And the higher-ups think that the potential team made up of Hansen and me bears further scrutiny.”  
  
Choi barely stifled a laugh. “Does this have anything to do with that woman in here the other day? The one that kept talking about target demographics and marketing strategies?”  
  
Murmurs went around the room as people recalled the woman from PR. She’d kept talking about tie-ins with different companies, getting different pilot teams to endorse different products. A chunk of the profit would go to the PPDC to help find former workers new jobs in the (formerly) Kaiju-free world. She’d already somehow managed to convince the Kaidanovskys to sign a deal with a jewelry company to promote wedding rings, and the Wei triplets were booked to shoot a sports drink commercial.  
  
“I don’t get it,” Raleigh said. “What does this have to do with PR?”  
  
The smile on Choi’s face widened, and he ignored the pointed look Pentecost was sending his way. “Apparently, Team Hot Dad over here has quite a strong pull on women aged eighteen to sixty. Loads of potential revenue.”  
  
The look on Chuck’s face was priceless. “Why’re you going along with this?” he demanded, focused on his father. “I don’t want loads of strange women hounding us whenever we go out in public!”  
  
“We need that money to get the Shatterdome fixed up and a Jaeger operational again,” Herc said calmly. His expression softened for a moment. “I’m not replacing you,” he added gently, making Chuck turn a brilliant shade of red.  
  
Newt almost gagged on the waves of fatherly affection coming off Herc. After his near brush with death, Herc seemed determined to dote on Chuck as much as possible, to the embarrassment of the younger Hansen. It was fun watching Chuck squirm, but sometimes it got a little bit too awkward for Newt’s tastes.  
  
“I think it makes sense,” Sasha commented. “Plenty of women find older men attractive. Both of you are also single fathers; many women probably like to imagine themselves as dutiful wives, helping ease your burden.” She ignored Chuck’s rather accurate impression of a horrified carp and asked Pentecost, “Which Jaeger are you going to pilot?”  
  
Pentecost spread out the blueprints for a Mark V. “This Jaeger only needs a minimum of work before it can be recommissioned.”  
  
“Wait, wait, wait,” Newt interrupted. “Are you going to rename it?”  
  
Gottlieb blinked at Newt. “How is this relevant?”  
  
Newt ignored him. “Think of the possibilities! Hot Dad is good, but you can call it Who’s Your Daddy! Or Daddy’s Home— _or_ ,” he paused for effect, “DILF Danger.”  
  
He was sorely disappointed by the reactions he got; with the exception of Mako (who exploded into a coughing fit after sharply inhaling and probably choking on her own spit) and Chuck (who blanched), everyone just blinked at him.  
  
“You—you can’t name their Jaeger that!” Chuck sputtered. “That’s just fucking  _wrong_!”  
  
“I agree,” Mako said, once she’d stopped coughing. “I do not think it would be appropriate.”  
  
“What does DILF mean?” one of the Weis asked. Chuck flailed at him.  
  
“Don’t encourage him!”  
  
“Weeeell, if I have to explain it, it’s not as funny.” Newt stuck his hands in his pockets. “But I’ll explain it anyway because it’s really hilarious.”  
  
In the end, they didn’t use DILF Danger. The PR woman, however, latched onto Hot Dad and was already rhapsodizing about the different products she could plaster the name on. “We could do a line of cleaning products! Hot Dad Bleach: Tough enough for a Kaiju, tough enough for stains. Or insect repellant! Hot Dad Bug Spray: No threat is too big or too small.”  
  
“Hot Dad Hot Dogs,” Newt snickered. Raleigh barely kept Chuck from throttling him. “Meaty enough to defeat a Kaiju.”  
  
“That’s a great idea!” the PR woman cried. (“That doesn’t even make sense!” Gottlieb exclaimed.) She grabbed Newt’s hands. “How would you like to help me out with the Hot Dad marketing project?”  
  
Newt grinned. “I’m pretty free until they get me my Kaiju brain. Sure!”  
  
“This is not going to end well,” Raleigh sighed.


End file.
